Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
