This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
