I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
