I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
my poor anus
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
