What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Farmville is her only friend.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
