I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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