She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
