umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
