Slut skills are useful in every country.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
