i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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