I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
