You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize