Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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