My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
