i barfeds in our rink
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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