..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
