dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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