Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
