belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
