jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
