the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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