i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
All the doctor said was why
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
