So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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