I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
