Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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