i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
