so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
