my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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