How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
