Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
