i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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