never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
