last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
