Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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