Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
