the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
