i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
