he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
