In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
