You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
