I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize