So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize