Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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