Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
