Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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