I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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