I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
