May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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