but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
