pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
