I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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