Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
