There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
