That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Even my vagina gasped.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
