Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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