hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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