i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
