worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
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