plz talk dirty to me
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
