if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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