My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
