hell yes lets make some ravioli
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
