Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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