My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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