The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wish you could order shots online.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
