I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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