your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
