I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
