I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
