just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
