headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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