Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
