The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
